Child Arrangements Over the Summer Holidays – A Mediation Perspective
For children, as the summer holidays fast approach, excitement builds. For separated parents, it can be a period of stress, frustration and conflict, particularly when there is no clear plan in place for when children will spend time with each parent.
This time of year especially, given that the school holidays often feel like they last a lifetime, can become challenging, emotionally charged and overwhelming for parents. Navigating this can be incredibly difficult.
As such, many families struggle to agree when the children will be with each parent and some may even feel they bear the brunt of the responsibility of caring for the children, or organising childcare, during the school holidays.
Both parents have equal rights and responsibilities to their children meaning they both have the same right to spend time with their children and the same duty to care for them. There is no Law in place that guarantees both parents have to be responsible for childcare during school holidays unless, of course, there is a Court Order already in place which specifically deals with such issues.
What should separated parents do if they can’t agree on child arrangements over the summer holidays?
If separated parents can’t agree on summer holiday arrangements, they should first try open, cooperative communication. If that fails, family mediation offers a faster, more affordable, and child-focused alternative to court. Thornton Jones Solicitors advise that early communication and, where needed, professional mediation are key to resolving summer child arrangements without court.
Steps to resolve summer holiday child arrangements
- Start discussions early with the other parent.
- Focus on the children’s needs and preferences.
- Use parenting apps to support clear communication.
- Consider family mediation if discussions stall.
- Check if you qualify for the government mediation voucher.
Common Challenges with Summer Child Arrangements
During the summer holidays, co-parenting challenges often become more pronounced. Without a clear and mutually agreed plan, tensions can rise and communication may break down. Some of the most frequent issues separated parents face at this time of year include:
- Unequal division of school holiday time – Tensions can rise when one parent feels they’re getting significantly less time with the children. This imbalance can feel unfair and may lead to ongoing conflict.
- One parent refusing to assist with childcare – If one parent refuses to help with childcare or assumes the other will manage alone, it can cause frustration and resentment, especially when both parents are working.
- Children’s wishes conflicting with one parent’s plans – Older children may express preferences that don’t align with one parent’s expectations, leading to disappointment or conflict around autonomy and decision-making.
- Disagreements over childcare or activity costs – Disputes may arise over who pays for summer clubs, trips, or childcare, especially when financial arrangements haven’t been clearly agreed.
- Changes to usual handover arrangements – Summer holidays often require adjusted handovers due to trips or altered work patterns. If not agreed in advance, this can cause confusion or missed contact.
- Holiday plans that don’t fit within agreed timeframes – A parent may want to take the children away during a period not allocated to them, leading to disputes over fairness or consent.
- Issues related to new partners or blended families – Introducing new family dynamics over the holidays—such as partners or step-siblings—can trigger emotional or practical complications.
- Lack of clarity in existing parenting plans or court orders – If parenting agreements are vague or silent on summer holidays, parents may struggle to interpret what’s “fair” without further guidance or mediation.
How to Navigate Co-Parenting During School Holidays
There will need to be a good level of communication and compromise. Be flexible and accommodating, whilst maintaining the children’s emotional stability. The considerations of the children should be considered. It is important to listen to the children’s views, however it is then for the parents to weigh up and consider those views so that they as parents can make decisions. After all, these arrangements are ultimately about them. Keeping children informed about the arrangements their parents have agreed for them can also relieve any anxiety or uncertainty they may have and will allow them to enjoy the holidays without worry. You should consider the children’s needs when making plans, bearing in mind their routines, preferences, and desires . Focus on creating a sense of stability and consistency for them, even if it means compromising on your own preferred schedule or plans.
Tips for Communicating with Your Co-Parent
We acknowledge this can be difficult when each parent has work commitments, but your first step should be to open up a line of communication with the other parent, giving plenty of time for discussions to take place, from a position of cooperation and conciliation – it will make decisions much easier. Remember: tone can easily be misinterpreted in texts and emails, so they may not be the most effective forms of communication. Try to communicate with the other parent face-to-face if possible or, for example, via video call. There are also various parenting apps which aid in communication between parents.
Mediation and School Holidays – What to do when there is no agreement in place
If direct discussions reach an impasse when attempting to agree the arrangements for your children, Mediation can provide a neutral ground to explore possible solutions. With the help of a trained Mediator, separated parents can work towards a plan that focusses on the happiness and well-being of their children.
Key Benefits of Family Mediation:
Mediation offers a faster, more affordable, and more collaborative alternative to Court. It empowers both parents to stay in control of the decision-making process whilst prioritising their children’s best interests. The three biggest advantages are:-
- Lower cost – far more affordable than Court proceedings
- Faster resolution – avoids long Court timescales
- Better outcomes – agreements made by parents tend to work better than Court-imposed Orders
The Government has, for quite some time now, been running a voucher scheme to help towards the cost of joint Mediation sessions relating to child arrangements. This voucher is a one-off payment of up to £500.00 i.e. £250.00 per parent. This voucher can be used towards the first joint Mediation session, making Mediation an even more cost-effective way forward.
The Extended Family Mediation Voucher Scheme
Find out more about the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme including the benefits and how to find out if you are eligible by reading this Blog by Stacey Higgs, Family Law Paralegal.
Remember, co-parenting during the summer doesn’t have to be a battle. With open communication, flexibility, and, where necessary, support from a trained mediator, you can build a plan that puts your children first and reduces conflict for everyone involved.
Some Useful Resources
The National Association of Child Contact Centres (NACCC) was founded in Nottingham in 1991 with the establishment of the first Child Contact Centre. It is a registered charity, and an umbrella organisation which sets the National Standards to which Child Contact Centres must work. NACCC, in collaboration with Our Family Wizard, has developed a Parenting Plan Template that aims to cover most of the issues that might arise after you have separated so that you can co-parent effectively.
OurFamilyWizard invented the concept of a shared parenting application. Its website, iOS, and Android applications have been used by nearly one million people since the company was founded in 2001. The platform allows parents to communicate, share calendars and journals, track expenses, and more. OurFamilyWizard is recommended by family law attorneys, mental health practitioners and courts in all 50 U.S. states, Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia and New Zealand.
Cafcass advises the family courts about the welfare of children and what is in their best interests. Their Parenting Plan can be accessed and completed online. Cafcass say “A Parenting Plan can help because it shows clearly what arrangements and actions you have agreed to meet the needs of your child. Agreeing a plan can avoid you having to go to court to reach such an agreement or have arrangements ordered by the court. Agreeing a plan shows your child that you are putting them first and will always act in their best interests.”
Contact our Family Law team here at Thornton Jones
Our friendly and experienced family law team at Thornton Jones Solicitors is here to help. Contact us at any of our offices to discuss your situation further and to book an appointment.
Family Mediation Frequently Asked Questions
MIAM stands for Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, and it is an initial meeting between yourself and a qualified Family Mediator. The purpose of a MIAM is to assess whether your issues can be resolved through the use of Family Mediation, negating the need to take your matter to Court.
A Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) is held between just you and the Mediator. The other party would not be present. The other party would also need to attend a MIAM to formally assess their suitability for Family Mediation and, assuming both assessments provide a favourable outcome, the Mediator will recommend pursuing Family Mediation as a way forward.
A 2020 survey undertaken by the Family Mediation Council showed that “Mediation is successful in over 70% of cases”. This means that in over 70% of cases, separating and divorcing couples were able to reach an outcome through the use of Family Mediation and without the need to take their matter through the expensive, stressful, and time-consuming Court process.
Although there are no strict rules over who pays for Family Mediation, it is typical for all costs to be shared equally. Your Family Mediator will set out the costs for Mediation at the outset so that you are aware of how much the mediation process will cost. The fees for mediation will vary depending on whether you are seeking mediation services for financial matters only, mediation services for children’s matters only, or mediation services for all matters. The costs for mediation will also be dependent upon the number of mediation sessions required to reach an outcome.
For eligible parties, vouchers towards the cost of mediation are available up to the value of £500 (claimed by the mediator on your behalf and apply only where discussions around child arrangements are required) through the Government’s Family Mediation Voucher Scheme.
There is no fixed term for how long family mediation takes. The process can take anywhere from just a few weeks to many months. How long mediation takes depends on the type and complexity of the issues needing to be resolved. Typically, Mediation achieves a quicker resolution than that of the traditional Court route. Mediation can also reduce costs and associated stress.
If mediation doesn’t work, then there are a few options. Arbitration is a good way of having a third-party preside over the facts of the case and make a decision on your behalf.
The arbitrator will make a decision using the same judgement criteria as a Court however comes without the timescale considerations, the increased costs, and the ruling of a Judge when pursuing the court route. Arbitration dos require both partied to be amenable to this route to resolution. If this isn’t the case, then often litigation through the Courts is necessary.
Another way forward is an Early Neutral evaluation, or Collaborative Law, or having a private Judge (in financial matters) assist by providing an indication and guidance as to how the family assets should be shared.
Family Lawyers, and indeed the Ministry of Justice, are keen to keep divorce matters out of court. It is proven that the use of Alternative Dispute Resolution, which includes Mediation, Collaborate Law, and Arbitration, is a far quicker, cheaper, and less stressful route to resolution. This approach also fosters a better future relationship between the divorcing parties which is especially beneficial where children are involved.
The content of this blog post is for information only and does not constitute formal legal advice. It should not be relied upon as advice. Thornton Jones Solicitors Limited accepts no liability for any such reliance upon this content. Where the post includes links to external websites, Thornton Jones Solicitors Limited accepts no responsibility for the content of such sites. Any link to a third-party website should not be construed as endorsement by Thornton Jones Solicitors Limited of any content, products or services which are outside our direct control.
How Can Family Mediation Help With Child Arrangements Over Christmas?
As the Christmas season approaches, the air becomes chillier and anticipation and excitement builds. The festive season is a time of joy, celebration and family get-togethers, particularly for children who eagerly await the magic of Christmas however, for separated parents, it can also be a period of stress and conflict, particularly when there is no clear plan in place for when children will spend time with each parent.
The Christmas period can become challenging and emotionally charged and something which can fill parents with dread. Navigating this time of year can be incredibly difficult.
Many families are able to put aside their differences at this time and work together to make sure that their children can enjoy the festive season with both parents and also their extended family members. At Thornton Jones, we understand how difficult it is to reach an agreement with someone who does not necessarily agree with your way of thinking or your vision.
Both parents have the same right to see their children but there is no law in place that guarantees either parent the right to have their “turn” at Christmas. There is no automatic right for you to see your children on special occasions unless, of course, there is a Court Order already in place which specifically deals with such special occasions.
Common Co-parenting Issues Which Arise Over Christmas
The three most common issues which arise over Christmas when trying to arrange time with your children are:
- Agreeing the practical arrangements for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, and New Year. Where your children be on which days and for what time periods can often cause tension and disagreements between parents.
- Formalising handover places and times. Agreeing where your children will be picked up from or dropped off, as well as the times for these exchanges can become contentious.
- Making and agreeing on the arrangements for you and your children to see wider family members.
How to Navigate Co-parenting During Christmas
Unless you have made the decision to spend Christmas together, your children cannot be in two places at once. There will therefore need to be a level of compromise. Be flexible and accommodating, whilst maintaining the children’s emotional stability. The considerations of the children should be taken into account, however you should not ask young children to make the choice themselves, this is putting too much pressure on them as children, but you should ask them their views. These are, so to speak, their arrangements after all. Keeping children informed about the arrangements their parents have agreed for them can also relieve any anxiety they may have and will allow them to enjoy the festivities without worry. You should consider the children’s needs when making plans, bearing in mind their routines, preferences and desires etc. Focus on creating a sense of stability and consistency for them, even if it means compromising on certain aspects.
Your first step should be to open up a line of communication with the other parent from a position of cooperation and conciliation – it will make decisions much easier. Remember: text messages and emails are not always the best way to communicate as the tone can be misinterpreted. Try to communicate with the other parent face-to-face if possible or, for example, via video call. There are also various parenting apps out there which aid in communication between parents.
You should plan in advance. This is to prevent any last-minute stress and/or confusion and sends a clear message to the children that both parents are on the same page. This will help prevent conflicts and disappointments later on.
What Co-parenting Options Do We Have Over Christmas?
One option is to split the three Christmas days i.e. the children spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day morning with one parent and change at midday. The children then spend the rest of Christmas Day and Boxing Day with the other parent. You could agree to alternate this each year.
Another option is to agree to have the children for one full week each. As most school holidays are no shorter than two weeks, some parents agree that their children will spend the first week with one parent and the second week with the other parent. This could mean that the children spend Christmas with one parent and New Year with the other parent. Again, you could agree to alternate this arrangement each year.
The third option is to have two Christmas’. This is a less popular option, and quite an old-school option, but one which enables the children to have a Christmas Day with each parent. This is where a nominated day, before or after Christmas Day – possibly Boxing Day – is used by one of the parents to have their own Christmas celebrations with the children. As with options one and two above, you could agree to alternate this option each year too.
What Should I Do Is There Is No Agreement in Place for Where My Children Will Spend Christmas?
If direct discussions reach an impasse when attempting to agree the Christmas arrangements for your children, Mediation can provide a neutral ground to explore possible solutions. With the help of a trained Mediator, separated parents can work towards a plan that focusses on the happiness and well-being of their children. By focusing on the best interests of the children and working together towards a mutually acceptable solution, parents can ensure that the festive season is a time of joy and celebration for everyone.
Your next step should be to contact a Family Mediator. Please consider doing so as soon as possible to ensure that there is enough time for the process to take place prior to the Christmas period.
Although there are no strict rules over who pays for Family Mediation, it is typical for all costs to be shared equally. Your Family Mediator will set out the costs for Mediation at the outset so that you are aware of how much the mediation process will cost. The fees for mediation will vary depending on whether you are seeking mediation services for financial matters only, mediation services for children’s matters only, or mediation services for all matters. The costs for mediation will also be dependent upon the number of mediation sessions required to reach an outcome.
For eligible parties, vouchers towards the cost of mediation are available up to the value of £500 (claimed by the mediator on your behalf and apply only where discussions around child arrangements are required) through the Government’s Family Mediation Voucher Scheme.
A 2020 survey undertaken by the Family Mediation Council showed that “Mediation is successful in over 70% of cases”. This means that in over 70% of cases, separating and divorcing couples were able to reach an outcome through the use of Family Mediation and without the need to take their matter through the expensive, stressful, and time-consuming Court process.
The Three Main Benefits to Family Mediation
Mediation has several advantages over Court litigation. It allows you to maintain control of the decision-making process which can be particularly beneficial when dealing with sensitive issues such as child arrangements, especially over the Christmas period. Mediation also encourages cooperation and communication, which can help to improve the long-term relationship between parents, ultimately benefitting the children. The goal is not to win but to reach a solution that works for everyone.
Notwithstanding the many advantages that Mediation offers, the main three are as follows:-
- Costs – Costs are far less than you would expend if you were in Court proceedings
- Timescales – Timescales are significantly shorter than if you were in Court proceedings
- Outcome – The outcome is more likely to stand the test of time as it will have been reached directly between you and not by a third party i.e. a Judge who has made a decision that ultimately neither parent is happy with
The government have, for some time now, been running a voucher scheme to help towards the cost of joint Mediation sessions relating to child arrangements. This voucher is a one/off payment of up to £500.00 i.e. £250.00 per parent. This voucher can be used towards the first joint Mediation session, which then leaves a much lower balancing payment to be made, making Mediation an even more cost-effective way forward, especially in the run-up to the expensive Christmas period.
Using an experienced and qualified Mediator will assist you in reaching the best solutions for your family. The aim is to successfully establish arrangements that prioritise the well-being of your children (not just during the Christmas period). If you can do that, even if you find you are compromising with someone you dislike or are giving up your own personal views to help your children, you are doing the right thing!
BLOG: What is Alternative Dispute Resolution in Family Law?
Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) provides a variety of methods which can be used to resolve family disputes outside of going to Court. ADR aims to save parties time and money, reduce animosity between parties, as well as creating a more personalised outcome for families who are going through a stressful time, such as going through a divorce, dividing finances and assets, or child related issues.
A Blog by Jane Auty. Partner and Head of Family Law.
Need help with Child Arrangements this Christmas?
Our team at Thornton Jones is here to assist. If you need help and advice in agreeing and formalising child arrangements at Christmas then call us today.
☎️ Call our Wakefield office on 01924 290 029
☎️ Call our Garforth office on 0113 246 4423
☎️ Call our Sherburn in Elmet office on 01977 350 500
☎️ Call our Ossett office on 01924 586 466
The content of this blog post is for information only and does not constitute formal legal advice and should not be relied upon as advice. Thornton Jones Solicitors Limited accepts no liability for any such reliance upon this content. Where the post includes links to external websites, Thornton Jones Solicitors Limited accepts no responsibility for the content of such sites. Any link to a third-party website should not be construed as endorsement by Thornton Jones Solicitors Limited of any content, products or services which are outside our direct control.
